Answer the Intent, Not the Question

Interview: (noun) a meeting to gain information from a subject or to evaluate the suitability of a job candidate. From Old French: entrevue, meaning a face-to-face meeting or a brief visit.

The job interview is designed to help the hiring manager and a prospective employee get to know each other. The employer is trying to determine whether you’re a fit for the company and the team, whether you have the skills, energy, and brainpower to do the work, and how reliable you’ll be on the job.  The idea is to ask questions that answer these issues while remaining on the right side of good HR practices. Sometimes, though, an interviewer might cross that line.

If you’ve ever been asked an inappropriate question during an interview, you know how awkward it is. One part of you wants to reprimand the interviewer: “You can’t ask that!” Another part of you wants to ignore the question, change the subject, or refuse to answer. But you know that if you take any of those options, you’ll almost certainly be out of consideration for the job. What should you do?

Recruiting specialists offer useful alternatives to refusing to answer or reminding the interviewer of what proper interviewing should look like.

The key is to consider the intent of the question, not its form. If a manager asks you whether you have children, they’re really asking about how much time off or flexibility you might need to take care of your family. It’s actually a question about reliability. The best approach is to answer with a neutral yes; then go on to explain that you understand their intent. “I know that reliability will be important in this job. I have a terrific childcare arrangement with my sister-in-law; she takes care of the kids (even if they’re sick) during the week. She lives just a few blocks from me, so it’s easy for me to run them over on short notice, if you need me to take an extra shift.” No need to be offended; you can simply speak to the underlying concern.

If a recruiter asks about a topic that touches on holidays or days off, it might be code for asking about religion. Much rarer these days, but a small business owner might not adhere to strict guidelines. You can use the same approach. “I won’t have a problem working on weekends.”

You may still get clumsy questions about being married, and if you’re in a non-conventional or gay relationship, or simply value your privacy about your home situation, you can answer with a non-answer (“My home life doesn’t impact my work life”) or a quick, simple yes or no that discourages follow on questions. Eventually, you’ll be able to bring your whole self to work, but the first 30 minutes of an interview should focus on your skills and experience rather than personal information.

It’s important to note that merely asking these kinds of questions does not break any laws, although HR professionals work hard to make sure clients and managers know it’s not advisable. The question itself may not be illegal, but the company opens itself up to discrimination lawsuits by crossing certain lines. Choosing not to hire someone because of religion or marital status is illegal, and once an employer has brought up the subject, they might have given the impression that it influenced their decision.

It’s not productive, especially in a competitive job market, to be quick to take offense or look for discrimination in every encounter. But if your instincts tell you that the manager has a bias against certain groups, lifestyles, or demographics, pay careful attention. You must decide whether you want to work for people who think that way, and you can certainly choose to walk away. They may have done you a favor by tipping their hand early in the process. Better to learn how they feel as soon as possible than start a job in an environment where you’re uncomfortable or unwelcome.