Stay Relevant Advice Column August 18, 2026

Welcome back to the Stay Relevant advice column, where we answer readers’ burning questions about their careers and how thrive in a fast-changing workplace. Every couple of weeks, I’ll offer insight into what’s bothering you and what might be keeping you stuck.

Send your questions to candace@candacemoody.com

Dear Stay Relevant:

I’m DLM Rose. I help manage The Seasonal Reading Challenge community over on Goodreads.

When the Week 4 Mirrorset exercises ask readers to seek brutally honest feedback from colleagues about how they’re actually perceived at work, it completely halted our reading group. Several members kept describing the book as “a practical, 12-week path” because that exercise forced conversations most career books never ask readers to have. It brought up an uncomfortable truth that career development books usually dodge because Stay Relevant is often marketed as an encouraging guide to professional reinvention when it’s really a rigorous, data-driven workbook built on decades of recruiter insight that asks readers to confront difficult realities before they can move forward.

Our question for you is:  In the Week 4 exercises on decoding your “mirrorset,” how do you coach a professional whose internal peer feedback completely contradicts their actual executive metrics?

Thanks for your help.

Dear Seasonal Reading Challenge group:

There are several elements that make up your personal brand, and your response (adaptation) will be based on the element you receive negative (or misaligned) feedback about.

• Your wardrobe or other cosmetic style choices: fix it. Take a closer look at what your peers are wearing or doing, and what the upper management staff is wearing or doing. It’s easy to get advice online about updating your look or finding a style that gives you more authority or flair. You can incorporate changes bit by bit; it’s not necessary to spend a fortune all at once. Most higher-end department stores have associates who can help you select new pieces based on what you’re trying to address.
• Communication style: fix it. The good news here is that your company may be willing and able to help you. If it’s about writing clearly, spelling, grammar, or public speaking, ask your manager about investing in some online or in-person courses. (A large company may have its own training library or courses.) You’ll get credit for your self-awareness and drive to improve, and they may cover the cost and allow you time to take the course during working hours.

If that’s not an option, invest in yourself. There are plenty of online resources that will help you analyze your current style and fix what needs fixing. Also an option, of course, is using AI to draft or improve your important communications.

• Age, ethnic, or gender-based feedback that feels biased: push back. If your younger or older team members are just saying you don’t fit in or that you’re not effective based on being too old, too young, or too girly, or too “where you’re from”, consider standing your ground. Bias is usually code for something else, so see if you can ask more questions (with someone you know, like, and trust) about what the feedback actually means.

If, for example, you’re too “soft” because your say “please” when you make a request, push back if you’re sure you’re being a decent human (or every other boss is being a jerk.) Don’t change your style to become someone you’re not.

If you’re getting feedback about your accent, your phrasing, your dress, or other cultural issues because you’re different, it might be something to bring up with HR. The company hired you for your skills, and your heritage is never a liability. Stand proud and report bullies or bigots.

Age can be particularly tricky. If your older boss is telling you that your “like” inserted every other sentence is hurting your authority, or that your vocal fry is making you sound clueless, listen carefully. Those issues can be fixed with practice.

If your cultural references are out of date (aka being old), you can update them with some research. Think of it a learning a bit of Spanish so you can order wine in Barcelona confidently. You can get by without it, but you’ll do better with it.

If the feedback is delivered maliciously, or dismissively, the heck with them. Thank them cooly – coldly, if necessary – for their feedback and go about your business.

Best Wishes,

Candace