How Can I Stay Relevant?

Welcome to the Stay Relevant advice column, where we answer readers’ burning questions about their careers and how thrive in a fast-changing workplace. Candace Moody, a career coach and writer with more than 30 years of experience, offers insight into what’s bothering you and what might be keeping you stuck.

Do you have a burning question about your career or staying relevant? Leave a comment or email me at candace@candacemoody.com. You can order our book here and find plenty of useful resources, including my advice column, at ChrisFlakus.com.

Dear Stay Relevant:

I have always been an introvert, and I’m okay with that. Although I’m quieter than my coworkers, I know I’m smart and I have good ideas. The problem is that it takes me longer to process my ideas and articulate them. As a result, I come off as shy (I’m not, really), not confident, and, I’m afraid, maybe not that smart. How can I make sure my ideas get heard and make a stronger impression (first and ongoing) when I’m in a conversation?

Quiet but Competent

Dear Quiet:

It can be challenging for an introvert to be heard, especially in a roomful of extroverts. Introverts process information and responses internally, as opposed to extroverts, who tend to process out loud in real time. By the time you’ve formulated what you want to say, the conversation might have moved on to another point altogether. And many people, including team leaders and people you might meet at an event, are not self-aware enough to pause to ask for your thoughts.

I have plenty of introverted friends who feel the way you do. One friend said that something people also don’t realize is that introverts hate being asked for their opinion right away. HATE IT. Even confident, brilliant introverts can freeze when asked (ambushed by) a question before they’re ready. They’d rather let some other people in the room go first so they can think for a bit about what they want to say.

So here are some tips to help you in meetings or conversations when you feel your introversion might be holding you back.

• Use placeholder language to gain some time. It’s not mandatory to answer every query in real time. Especially for more complex job-related issues, you might really need some more time to process your response. Try something like, “That’s a great question (or interesting point, or important idea.) Can I take some time to get back to you on it?” Only a mean person would say no.

Take your time; conversation is never a contest (or at least it shouldn’t be.) Let some others in the room go first or ask permission to follow up with an email or conversation later. In fact, it’s fine to circle back a few minutes later in the same discussion. When there’s a pause, say something like, “I’ve been thinking about what you said, and …” When the other person hears your thoughtful insight, they’ll start to realize that you’re worth the wait.

• Use asynchronous communication to start conversations that are important. “Asynchronous communication” is just a fancy way of saying that you and your conversation partner might be communicating at different times. If you have an important idea or some feedback you want to feel confident you express well, you might start out with an email. Emails and apps like Teams or Slack allow you to include as much detail as you want (within reason; you have to know your audience’s attention span) and edit until you have it right. Starting with written notes can help you prepare for a conversation you know you’ll be having so you don’t need to respond in the moment.
• Have a talk with the important people on your team about how you prefer to participate. It’s important that you – and others – don’t come to think of introversion as less effective than extroversion, so don’t be afraid to talk about it. Pick a good moment to talk to your manager, your coworker, or a friend, and get a little vulnerable. “I know you know that I’m an introvert, and sometime, I feel like my voice gets lost in meetings or rapid-fire conversations. Can you help me by…” Then provide some ideas. “Calling on me before you move on from a topic so I don’t have to interject.” “Call on me after everyone so I have time to think before I answer.” “Pause a little in our conversations so I can process what you’re saying.”

No less than the genius Stephen Hawking once said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Let me know if you try any of these things and find they help people see you for the big thinker you are.

Best wishes – Candace